Attorney job quotes

I’ve found some hilarious real quotes taken from all kinds of courts of law which prove that, sometimes, the duty of being a court reporter is more of a torment than that of being the attorney. Read on!

“ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh…

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.”

Indeed, sheds some light on what can happen in court…spooky!

- source : AmigaMCCC -

Form or content?

Can you make out the words, the faces, or both? Watch these images for some interesting graphical art :

Tyranny or Freedom
Threat or Pretext
Peace or War
Dead or Alive
Pretty nice, wouldn’t you say? I find them quite impressive .

-thx to Tides-

The hidden head

How fast can you find the man’s head in the picture?

According to medical experiments:
If you can find the Man’s Head within 3 seconds, your right brain is more developed than normal people. If you can find the Man’s Head within 1 minute, your right brain is developed normally.
If you can find the Man’s Head within 1-3 minutes, your right brain is slow in reacting, you should eat more meat protein.
If you can find the Man’s Head in 3 minutes or more, your right brain is a disaster… extremely slow in reacting, and Yes, there really is a man in there ..

Indeed, it seems like I’ve got a normally developed right brain side. How fast did you find it?

Super-cool!

This is absolutely brilliant. One of the absolute best commercials I have ever seen.

The dude gets pulled over and receives a ticket from the officer. If only everyone could see you as your dog does…

“Sir, do you have any idea how super-cool you are? Here’s a short poem I wrote about you”. =)) Brilliant! )

Someone likes you

I think that smiling is a very important action one must do as much as he can, everyday. For today, here’s the thought that should make you smile : Someone likes you. I’ll prove it not by talking to you about your family and friends who care about you and think about you in a pleasant way, but by showing you someone else who likes you. Enjoy!

Proof that girls are evil

Although this is old material, you may not have had the chance to laugh over it:
I’m not saying it is true, so please, girls, hold your rotten tomatoes for now…you’ll get plenty of reasons to throw them at me later. )

Follow the leader…

You thought peer pressure was only for the teenagers? Well, watch this for true conformity:

I bet they could make him to just about anything like that…well, almost anything…

Brilliantly funny students’ quotes

Here’s something meant to put a big smile on your face. If it doesn’t, you are either blind or just had chemistry hours today (friends know what I mean…). Either way, read on!

What can one say after all of this? “Brilliant students DO exist, teacher!” )

Besting Picasso

Another nifty game I’ve stumbled (haha) upon on the Internet. Try besting Picasso himself! Press here to play!
If you’ve managed to actually compose a special portrait, why not save it and share it with us here?

Fun-thingy-you-use-to-have-fun

Here is nice little game/tool/fun-thingy-you-use-to-have-fun :

Just draw a 3D line and then let it spin, and spin, and spin. Maybe it’ll reach a form you can understand. Then it gets cool…